Days 16,17,18

After about half a month, I've decided I need to change up how I'm doing this. I've been reading and waiting, I've enjoyed it, but I'm also super easily distracted. So my changes are coming after our (my lifegroup) last night in this book. I have been reading the prayer in the back of the book in snippets during my quiet time, but made the decision last night to read the entire thing aloud before diving into my Bible reading for the day. Then a man in our lifegroup said he had chosen to read it aloud that morning and the fog cleared and he felt renewed, so it sealed the deal in my mind that this is what I will do daily before I go into my devotion. I've also incorporated a playlist of worship songs for my quiet time when I'm sitting back and listening for God. This way my mind can stay in the mindset I've prepared up until that moment and I'm not distracted. So we will see if this formula does better to keep me in check and in focus!

Just a side note, praying that prayer aloud made my heart feel a way that I've longed to feel for sometime. I felt truly alive in Christ and ready to tackle the day at hand. 

Days 12-15

I guess I'm halfway through this challenge and I do not see myself stopping after just a month. I have never been good about getting up and having my devotions on a regular basis, I've squeezed them in various times throughout my day or skipped the day all together. The past 2 weeks, I have really enjoyed starting my day off with The Lord  and I know I should have been doing this all along, no excuses. 

Anyway, guess what? Days 11-15, no great epiphany happened! Bet you didn't see that coming ;) I definitely feel His presence around me though, I know He's here, I just need to open my ears and my heart and hear Him.  

Days 6-11

There is a line written in the book we are going over, Waking the Dead by John Eldredge, that says, "...if it doesn't bring freedom and it doesn't bring life, it is not Christianity. If it doesn't restore the image of God and rejoice in the heart, it is not Christianity."

We talked a little about my not really knowing if it is my mind thinking or God speaking, and I reminded if it pointed to God, it was God speaking. So that is how I'll go from now on deciphering if it is mind thinking or God speaking. 

For sometime now, I mean like at LEAST 3-4 months, I've felt a "pang" when I think about my neighbors across the street. If you know me in any aspect, you know I'm not neighborly. I'll wave and say hi every now and then, but I'm not going to make an effort to walk outside and chat. I know my neighbors are not Christians, I've heard through someone else about a lifestyle they lead in the past. I am quick to tell someone I'm a Christian when asked, but honestly I'm not very good about sharing my Faith. I get nervous, I don't feel like I have a powerful testimony and I don't know how to really start honestly. I've asked for help with this and one answer to the prayer is a Sunday night lifegroup about being bold in sharing, but also another answer is a door that's opened for me. My neighbor's dad passed this past week and sitting here, it just dawned on me that maybe that's an opportunity I can use to go talk to them and open up about Christ. But again, I don't know where to start without sounding "Holier than thou" or like I'm shoving something down their throats. I've put notes and such in their mailboxes before, but that is not the same as a face to face conversation. So anyway, all this to say, I felt this morning, the Lord reminded me about them and telling me to use that as a window of opportunity to share a bit with them. So if you're reading this, pray for me please, this is not my area of strength at all. 

Days 3-5

I had to skip this Saturday since I had to be at the church at 8:30 for rehearsal, I was already up super early, so I knew I'd dose off, so I just skipped. 

I also decided to clump some of the days together so it didn't say Day 4...nothing Day 5... Nothing ... You get the picture! I'm still struggling with knowing if it is me thinking something or the Lord speaking to me. I ended up emailing the author of the book we're reading and got a response from his "team" .... Que Price is right loser horn.... 

http://youtu.be/1ytCEuuW2_A

No thank you, I do NOT want to read another book. I may grab the download, but not right away... So I'm winging this!!

 I guess I ***maybe*** felt the Lord tell me Friday to talk to Chad about something I'll say only vaguely on this public blog, but will be glad to share with my lifegroup   . But again, I'm not sure if was me just thinking or the Lord telling me something. 

So that is the past few days. 

Day 2

Well, as I thought, not much different than day one...except my mind was going way more than usual. I have to figure out how to clear my mind, like almost meditate. My mind can go from 0-100 really fast. I go from wondering if I'll know if it's the Lord speaking to me to looking at the dog and wondering how much longer she'll be with us then back to trying to clear my mind. Maybe I'm too focused on my mind being clear.... So there is day two.... Even less interesting than day one!  

The Listening Challenge: Day 1

So last night in my Lifegroup, I was challenged to wake up early, read out of my Bible for 15 minutes, sit quietly, wait to hear the Lord speak to me, then in turn, blog about the "journey", so to speak. We are reading a book where the author is showing us what it is to become fully alive in Christ and one of the benefits of becoming fully alive is knowing when and hearing Him speak to you. So that is what I'll be doing. I'll read His Word and listen. I have a feeling the first of many posts will be boring, but hopefully after a while, hopefully, the Lord and I will become in tune with each other the way He has always intended. 

 

I'm not much of a blogger, I love reading other's blogs, but feel like I can't get my thoughts across as eloquently as others do... But nonetheless, here is my attempt at blogging my process.

**Disclaimer** Be patient (talking to myself mostly) because I don't feel like I'm as deep of a thinker as most of the people I'm surrounded by. I tend to think on a surface level, so I throughly enjoy listening to other's perspective on different topics and readings, I learn so much from them. I love seeing how their brains work. So my blog won't probably be extremely insightful, just an account of the process. 

I've decided to start with Romans. I'm slowly and intently reading, so I didn't blow through chapters at a normal pace. I'm hoping if I slow down, I can really allow the Lord to speak to me, since this is the whole purpose of the challenge. By taking it slowly, I got through chapter 1 and a bit through 2. I read it in a few versions just to get a more rounded perspective. Then I sat in silence. I noticed I was starting to dose off, probably because I stayed up super late last night, so I made a cup of coffee. I felt myself starting to think about things I am planning on doing today, so I had to keep resetting myself to just listen. I also found myself praying for others and the day ahead, I also had to stop that and just listen. Not saying that I shouldn't pray, but this is not what I'm setting out here to do. So I designated a time after I sat in silence to pray. 

So as I figured, day 1, nothing. And not that the Lord didn't speak to me, but I have not figured out how to listen yet. I'm still struggling with knowing when it's Him speaking or me just thinking. But nevertheless, I enjoyed my morning, waking up in the Word, being quiet and starting my day focused on Him. 

The Desire of My Heart

So I last posted on November 17, 2012 saying that I completely am handing over tying to have a baby to God and letting His will take over. I had been saying that over and over, but I on November 17, 2012, my heart was in the right place finally. And you know what? I got pregnant that next week! It's so crazy to see how if you really surrender, God will give you the desires of your heart. And man, she was so worth waiting for!!! I couldn't imagine a better fit for our family. She has brought us nothing but pure joy this past year! I cant believe that she will be one in just a week or so! Talk about a year flying by! I have loved every second of being with her too! Even the 2am wake up calls. I seriously never minded them... and if I did, I thought of the many friends and family who have lost their babies and know they would give ANYTHING for a 2 am feeding and that snapped me back to reality.

So I guess my first post back in a year and a half is a testament as to how good the Lord is and how He knows exactly the right time for everything. Struggling with fertility is one of the hardest things ever. It takes a toll on you and you relationship emotionally. So if you're struggling, give it to God, with a cheerful heart, let Him have control and you never know where you'll end up!

 

But really, is that not the most gorgeous baby God ever made?!

 

Ok, I'll stop being "that kind of parent"! ;)