Saturday, November 17, 2012

My Christmas Story....err Lesson

Well, I went ahead and decorated early for Christmas! I just cant help myself. I love Christmas so much and to only have it up for a month seems so sad to me!
Anyway, to be perfectly honest, this is not how I thought my Christmas would be this year. Last Christmas, I already had a few negative pregnancy test and was so sad because I really hoped to be able to tell my parents and in laws for Christmas....even if I were very early...But I pushed on and knew it was common to not get pregnant right away. I guess I just thought by Christmas there would be a child in this house. I never in a million years thought otherwise. I cant explain the feeling of month after month of not conceiving. The first 6 months hurt, but the pain of hitting a year and still nothing is something I hope not many have to go through. I cant even imagine those to go years and years trying. It can take over your life, your relationship and yourself. To be perfectly honest, it became a chore, something that it had never been before. Then I gave up. I gave up hope, stopped trying, and became very down. Then the news of my tumors came and talk about a shock. I never ever thought I would ever have a tumor in my body, let alone 3 in my throat and one in my head. I will say, as sad and scared I was/am, (but mostly was) I was so relieved to hold on to hope that the reason my body was rejecting a baby is because it had 3 dumb things sitting on my thyroid. I guess after I heal from my next go around with it, I will see what 2013 will bring, hopefully bring a friend to some of my sweet friend's children. ;)

I guess what I have learn this past year and a half is:
 1. I need to stop planning my future.
 2. When you start planning your future and try and "take matters in your own hands" and not His, He will throw you a curve ball!! and finally
3. He is always 10 steps ahead of us. He knows before we do and is so merciful to His children. So merciful.

So in 2013, I will relax, not worry about "trying" at all, I will enjoy the love of my life and know that His timing is perfect, because He knows better than me. Who am I to plan my life?

I get it Lord, lesson learned.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Fa la la la la laaa bleh...

I have a really bad habit of starting a blog, letting it sit for a couple of days, then deleting it. This one I will finish... and publish. Now what have I been up to....not much lately.

I had a little procedure. I'll spare the details and gross incision pictures, things like that. All I am going to say is, I am not sure if I'll ever sing like I use to again. Which scares me a little. Not that I sing in front of people, but I love to sing here by myself and its nice to be able to carry a tune. I'm sure itll work itself out, but for now, it sounds pretty bad! Ha!

Its everything I can do not to put my Christmas stuff out, last year it was coming out by now, but I think thats because we had just moved in and it was the first time I got to have a tall tree! This year I am holding back until Thanksgiving day. I'm sure I'll feel good enough bring up the tree and get this house together. I have company coming in the first of December, so its gotta be looking Christmas-y around here! It will be fun to take them around Nashville and do some fun Christmas activities! Since I married Scrooge, I usually do those things with a Grinch by my side! I will take any suggestions on must-see's in Nashville. I think I am kind of dumb to things people want to do when they visit.